Hello my non-existent readers!! Hah hah. I write this (compliments of procrastination) in an abyss of numbing self-doubt, if I'm honest. So I got into college- happy, of course, yet altogether guilty at the fact my friend who worked her arse off failed to get into the college she wanted. Whereas I, who spent the year boozing and sleeping, sometimes going into school came out with better grades. Forgive me if this sounds like a backwards-brag, it isn't. Moreover a vent at the shitty reality of life. I guess I'm growing up. There comes a stage in life, when you realise you are not going to become a movie star, extraordinarily beautiful or a complete success. Infact, the height of your fame is your local pub 'liking' your status on facebook, beauty means twenty oufit changes before you leave the house, yet still feeling like a twat upon seeing your reflection in murky car windows and success means, well a lifelong work-in-progress, so to speak. This 'growing-up stage' has hit me smack in the face.
Never before have I understood the concept of drinking to 'escape your feelings'- what a load of toff I once thought, yet now it makes perfect sense. I don't mean to be a depressive bastard in this post. But studying Beckett has opened up my eager, naive eyes to the bleak existence we, in our lives lead. Okay maybe I'm looking too much into it but.. oh god I'm really sounding like a Trinity Orts student now! Hah, anyway yeah life is good, loving my course and the people but after many observations and over-thinking I've found myself asking the question- why do we bother? With work,money,education,booze,drugs,marraige etc? to fill time until we die, that's all.
I would never be this honest about these 'deep' issues if I had not just sunk a large glass of rosé but hey, maybe if everyone was this honest about the reality and truth of adulthood then there would be less disillusioned freshers like myself, wondering why they didn't pick philosophy.
